He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
