I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
