we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
