I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
