He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
