the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its liver damage thursday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
