Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
