Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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