Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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