i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
