If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
