I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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