My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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