If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you bring me the toilet please
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
