Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
