I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
