all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
