im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
