legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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