I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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