fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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