Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
