so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
