Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
