So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
