OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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