how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
