woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
