youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
