We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
