Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
