rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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