I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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