i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
