plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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