This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
