3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
