My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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