She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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