I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
