Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
