the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
