The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
