I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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