She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
