I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
