so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
