just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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