you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
