yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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