guys are only as good as the porn they watch
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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