pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Two words: blizzard sex
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
