I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
