you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
