is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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