the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
