Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
