Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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