My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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