when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
