Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
