If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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